The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
