forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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