Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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