there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
