well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
