This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
