i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
