I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
