I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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