apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
