Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
