It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
