He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
