i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
