i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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