He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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