they need to just BURY HIM!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize