Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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