I cannot find my penis.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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