I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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