I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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