What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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