im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
