Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
