Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
