How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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