How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
