Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
