yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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