My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize