Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
