My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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