He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
