I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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