this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
