Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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