I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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