i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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