I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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