My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
