dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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