im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think my vagina is haunted
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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