I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
