I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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