I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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