I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
