Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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