her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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