Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
