turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
