i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so much tequila, so little girl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
