She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
