Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
