Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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