I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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