I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
