Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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