I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
