just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
