Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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