So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
