i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
