He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
