Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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