Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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