I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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