Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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