Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize