i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
